Pettifogging

Interviews, the only place where people ask you questions and pretty much expect you to try to weave the answer that’s closest to being bullshit without obviously going across the line.  I’m sure you’ve been there, sitting in your best suit, looking across at someone asking you what colour you consider yourself and how you would contribute to the rainbow of their existing office, all while suppressing the urge to lunge across the table to strangle them.

Let’s look at these questions and provide the actual answers to them:

Why do you want to work here?

Because I’m currently unemployed (or hate my existing job) and would like to make (more) money.  No, it’s not because I think your company is the corporate version of Mother Teresa or would allow me to become a child again through the magic of working for you.  It is simply because in our society I need money to live and you are providing me the chance to trade my time for that commodity.

What would you like to be doing five years from now?

Not living on the street?  What I’d like to be doing is sitting at home living off vast wealth (hell, I’d like to be doing that right now) but we both know that’s not going to happen.

What is your greatest strength?

That I have not given you a true answer to any of your questions yet you’re likely pleased with my by the book answers?  That I can formulate bullshit on the fly?

What is your greatest weakness?

That I hate you and the person who first came up with these questions,  yet I can’t think of a way to off you without getting caught.

What are you looking for in your next job?

A steady paycheck.  No, nothing else.  I’m not stupid enough to look for personal fulfillment from my employment.  It’d be nice if that were to happen, but it’d also be nice to be home living off my vast wealth (to refer you back to the previous question).

What kind of salary are you worth?

£∞.00